I · Wear · My · Heart · on · My · Sleeve

Okay, I'm sick and tired of being whiny and dull. Gonna say something interesting now. 'Sides, I've got fresh lychees. Were $6/kg, when usually they're $25/kg.

A few thoughts on my NaNoWriMo novel.

So I'm writing a Regency Romance with magic and I've been putting some thought into my character development.

I'm at work at the moment, waiting for a download to download. While I'm doing that, I'm staring around at the library, twiddling my thumbs, when I come across a poster for Twilight.

It's got Edward and Bella on it. Edward's hovering protectively, almost possessively, over Bella and she's got this "Oh help me, I'm young, stupid and need protection" expression on her face.

I've heard a lot of commentary the past little while concerning the dynamics of Ed & Bel's relationship (blah, blah, her need for him, blah, blah, his need for her, blah blah, is it all influenced by the author's culture, etc) and I've given thought to the dynamics of my two characters and their culture.

So: Regency England. Yes, feminisim had been well and truly born by now, but was still quite young; the majority of women were still functioning under the established patriarchy. For most of them, it had never occurred to them that there could be a different power balance. Or if it had, it was often expressed in a, "I wish I was a man so I could deal with this issue, because the men in my life have fallen short."

Now, meet Alexander, Viscount of Something and soon to be the Earl of Whatever, and the Honourable Miss Merrybelle Lastname, daughter of the Baronet of Somewhere. (As you can tell, I'm not very good with names.)

ETA: did a thimbleful of research today, and they now have names. More on this later, as it's dinnertime.

They are very much products of their society. Now, I've given them a few character traits that I find appealing, and that weren't too far out of whack for feminist agendas of the time, but other than that, they are very much affected by their culture. Al's got a bit of lording about he must do and MB has been brought to London for her first Season.

Al's family are titled, impoverished nobility, and he's got a bastard half-brother running around. Al's father has charged him to go out and find himself a bride, preferrably one with money, as the Earl's pockets are very much to let.

MB's family have wealth, and she comes with a very nice dowry. MB has been raised to be the ideal lady of the ton--a sparkling hostess, squeeze out an heir and a spare, and to keep up appearances.

MB's goal is to find a good husband.

Her definition of a good husband is very different from a 21st Century woman's definition of a good husband. She has been taught that she wants a husband of the same (or higher) social status, preferrably with a title, lands and a good reputation. Love doesn't really figure into it.

All of my characters (members of the ton or London's nobility class) share this sort of view and it dictates their actions and motivations.

And while many a Regency Romance involve MCs flaunting or breaking the rules without severe repercussions, my characters are doing their best to "avoid scandal".

Makes for some interesting dynamics that are well out of place for the 21st Century. Alas, for the first few chapters, my characters are coming off as shallow and avaristic. Oh dear. I shall have to figure out how to temper this.

I want them to remain true to their culture (and maintain a degree of historical accuracy) yet appeal to a C21 reader. This will be a song-and-dance.

Hope I haven't broken too many rules the wrong way.

It's waiting time. Am waiting for many, many things. Feels like those last two (overdue) weeks before the birth of First Ladyship, when I was on maternity leave. Lots and lots of time to spare then, and absolutely no drive to, um, drive those things I could have done with so much spare time.

And now, its nearly the end of the year, and I'm waiting for that, and the holidays and the end of school, and our paperwork for Kneale Manor, and for all those other things I'm waiting for but can't remember what they are.

It's waiting time. I hate waiting. It makes me feel powerless. Sometime I have the zen to endure, maybe even enjoy waiting, but most of the time I don't.

1. I'm behind on NaNoWriMo, because I have lots of stuff I'm doing during the day, and then my nights were taken up by various rehearsals. Those rehearsals have since been cancelled, and now I have some catching up to do.

2. As much as I don't want to, I will have to take up more music students, to ensure a touch more income to help with the impending money crunch that's gonna come after we take on the Killer Mortgage for Kneale Manor, and before we sell [crackerbox] House Kneale. The repayments on a full mortgage (don't ask how much; it's an obscene amount) are a killer. We're hoping House Kneale will sell quickly. Really, we're pretty confident it will, at the right price.

2a. I've had a few of my more onerous "don't wanna be here, but mom's making us be here" music students depart for good, and am now replacing them with impressionable young students. These replacements are young enough that I may be able to brainwash warp enlighten their little minds that music is easy and fun. If I can get to 'em early enough, I'll establish good habits and a love of music so that they'll belong to my delightful student clan and not my painful students coterie.

Am wondering if I should specialise in teaching the very young. I quite enjoy it and am successful at it. There's a trick to teaching young children, and not all music teachers have it.

2b. Four more years until I get my AMusA, and can charge ridiculous amounts of money for lessons.

3. My house is never clean. I can never get it clean enough to keep ahead of the chaos. It's mostly because I must share my workspace with Their Ladyships. And now I can't afford to pay someone to clean it for me, because all our spare money is shoring up against the day when Killer Mortgage comes around. Interest rates are rising in Australia at the moment, and it's giving us some serious willies right now. Meanwhile, house prices are rising, which works well for us. We've already locked in the price for Kneale Manor, so that won't rise on us, but between then and when we sell House Kneale, we're hoping property prices will rise by about $20-30K. The more we can get for our wee li'l crackerbox, the more equity we'll have to dump onto Killer Mortgage.

3a. When one is about to move, it's amazing what one will consider junk. Stuff I would not have dared throw away when I was permanently rooted to House Kneale, suddenly becomes expendable at the thought of relocating to Kneale Manor. I am so sick of having to clean up stuff. Am thinking that if get rid of stuff, then it won't fall on the floor and I won't have to clean it up. Could I dispose of pretty much all of Their Ladyships' toys? They don't really play with them, except for a token few. They won't miss them. I threw out half of First Ladyship's art box the other day, and she doesn't miss it a bit. In fact, I think she prefers the cut-down version.

NaNo aside: My MCs are arguing at the moment, but not the passionate "we'll end up in bed soon" sort of arguing, but the stubborn one-up-man-ship that ends up with bruised egos and tears. Not quite the way I want them to argue.

4. I really want some cake right now. Alas, nothing that sells cake is open at this time of night, and it's too late to bake.

5. The times I wish I had more time to write and to do music are the times I'm doing those very things. Already I've cranked out three thousand words today, and wish I had time to do more. Yesterday I spent an hour practicing piano, and wish I had more time, not just for playing, but composing.

Sometimes I wish I didn't have to clean and sometimes I wish I didn't have to sleep.

Yahknow what the worst part of this entry is? I can't count these words towards NaNoWriMo. Blah.

Taking a break from Nanner-reemer and my whackadoodle life.

• Leave me a comment saying "Resistance is Futile."
• I'll respond by asking you five questions so I can satisfy my curiosity.
• Update your journal with the answers to the questions.
• Include this explanation in the post and offer to ask other people questions (I'll also answer more, if asked).

From michaeldthomas:

1- How does your process differ when writing fiction as opposed to non-fiction?

With fiction, I tend to work with emotional themes and write from the heart. Also, my process is a little bit all-over-the-place. I'll get a great idea for a scene in my head, and I'll run it back and forth, over and over, until I get it right. Then I jot down the outline, and then I write the scene. If ideas occur to me while I'm writing the scene, I'll go back and amend my outline. Things morph all the time, sometimes drastically changing the focus of the novel/story.

With non-fiction, I try to work from ideas. I'll get an idea, usually one that solves a particular problem, then I draft an outline. I usually get a single idea, and three supporting ideas. Once I fix (and pitch and successfully sell) my outline, I will not deviate from it, not in concept, in support, or even proposed word count.

2- What surprised you most about living in Australia?

Discovering intolerance in a) Country Australians and b) myself.

a. Really, how hard is it to put whipped cream on a milk shake? You have no problems putting it on hot chocolate. Why does temperature make a difference? Luckily, Fast Eddies in Perth will do exactly what you, little shop in Geraldton, can't possibly conceive of doing. Hello, this is a box. You are allowed to think outside of it.

b. Americans are notoriously ignorant of the outside world, and often express a fear of ideas that come from outside their borders. Just because an idea worked in 1776 doesn't mean it'll work in 2010. Frex: Socialism is a pretty neat concept. Don't let the Cold War continue to live in one's paradigm.

b.i. One must learn that there are many different ways of thinking. Yours is only one of them. Have the wisdom to look at other methodologies. You will learn one of two things: something new or that your way's justified.

3- Do you often feel uncomfortable in SF/F circles because of your faith?

Often, no. Sometimes, yes. And that's only when people use religion as an excuse to practice intolerance. For a group really into the concept of IDIC, SFF fans can be an awfully intolerant bunch. Most of the time they're so caught up in their own self-righteousness, they don't realise they're pots.

As the 19th Century will be known for its financial extremes (vast wealth vs abject poverty), the 20th Century for its racial riots, the 21st Century, alas, will be known for its religious wars.

It's a shame that some SFF fans see religion as some blind, narrow-minded and incorrect ideology. (Granted, some of the more extreme religious nuts are prepetuating this misconception.) This idea came from a centuries-old idea that Science and Religion were mortal enemies. (And that idea came from the fact that religion was busy shooting itself in both feet during the Dark Ages.)

My particular Brand and Flavour of religion advocates enlightenment and tolerance. We're also big fans of education--as much as we can stuff into our little mortal heads. Another thing I like about my faith is that it and science have never contradicted each other (yes, even that evolution stuff) and that the more we learn, the more we realise there is so much we don't yet know, both in Religion and Science.

Because of that, we Saints quite enjoy our SFF.

4- What was it like performing at Carnegie Hall?

Oh goodness, that was nearly twenty years ago! I'm so old now.

I still remember much of that day. We had to be at Carnegie Hall early-early in the morning, even though our concert wasn't until the evening. Mostly it was hurry-up-and-wait. Since we couldn't play our instruments while we were waiting, we held rehearsals by singing our parts.

Also, we were not allowed to wear perfume, deodorant, hair spray, or any type of cosmetic that had a scent. Carnegie Hall had some sort of allergy/sensitivity policy. So, what's a girl to do? Dust her armpits with corn starch and use honey as hair gel.

We performed a few Americana pieces and closed with Tchaikovsky Symphony No 4.

5- What's more important as a writer: talent or persistence?

Persistence. Being "talented" in several areas, I have learned that talent is not enough to carry a person. It simply makes the acquisition of a skill easier. But persistence--that's where the money is. Persist, persist, persist, and eventually you will get to where you're going.

Unless you die first.

My library clutch has a blog.

Visit it and vote for your (read: my) favourite library, Warnbro!

Over twenty years ago I became fascinated with genetics. Even entered university on scholarships and the such with the aim of studying genetics.

Things happened, things changed, I made certain choices. But had I made other choices, I most likely could have ended up here:

http://learn.genetics.utah.edu/

This is the coolest genetics site ever, possibly the coolest science site ever. Heck, it might even be the coolest site of anything ever!

You tell me this site ain't cool, you're lying.

The cell size comparison is nifty.

This article is the result of:

a) Scholars who love music, but don't play very well:
b) Scholars who love music, but can't play at all:
c) Scholars who have no interest in music, but wanna know obscure ways of making your brain tick.
d) People with too much time on their hands.

Even my eyes began to glaze over, and I love reading stuff.

It is far more fascinating to explain to my composition student why Dorian Mode is so much fun.

As we speak, Australia is slowly returning back to work after having paused for the Melbourne Cup horse race.

Yes, the entire nation stops to watch a horse race.

Several traditions accompany this Australian cultural moment.

1. The hats. When you go to the races, you wear a hat, the fancier, the better. Do keep within the realm of good taste.

I forgot my hat today. I'll wear one later in honour of the race.

2. Pause whatever you're doing to watch the race. Doesn't matter if you're at home, at work or school, or even driving on the road. Pull over, abandon your computer and glue your eyes to the TV. There's a horse race on.

3. Put on a bet. Nobody cares if you're not a gambler. Everyone in Australia puts a bet of some sort on the race, even if it's just entering the Melbourne Cup pool at work.

I entered the pool at work and my horse came in third. YAY!

So yeah. Melbourne Cup Day. A very big deal in Melbourne. Enough of a big deal to cause the rest of the nation to pause for a couple of minutes as well.

---

Oh, the results:

1. Shocking.
2. Crime Scene.
3. Mourilyan.

...because I'm still mostly in extroversion.

At work today, the nice, if technologically clueless, Luddite Librarian asked me to help her figure out why a link someone (from the other side of Australia) sent her didn't work.

Long Story Short, this is the link: http://192.168.2.1:8080/

(See what I mean?)

Luckily, I work computer miracles for the local library, and due to channelling both Sherlock Holmes and Patrick Jane, I managed to get her link to work for her.

Forget about her being impressed. I am impressed I got it to work!

Meanwhile, the guy who sent her the link is a webmaster. He is also an idiot. I don't blame him for keeping his mobile phone turned off during business hours.

1. Have realised I've been engaging in introversion the past couple of weeks. It may continue for another few, so don't mind my general silence.

2. Clabbered milk that fails to set and break cleanly can be turned into cream cheese or ricotta.

I've got an awful lotta ricotta right now.

3. I am doing NaNoWriMo. Feel free to buddy me. hkneale, of course.

4. Sometimes a few days without a computer is a great thing.

5. I haven't practiced the piano enough this week. It's gonna hurt this arvo.

I just want to reiterate this fact.

I hate Daylight Savings Time. I always have.

So, last year after a three year trial of DST in Western Australia, we the West Australians voted to not continue DST.

But somebody forgot to tell the computers.

Annoyance #1: Sunday morning I woke up, looked at my iPod clock (as it was the only one I had near my bed at the time) and learned it was eight o'clock. "Aw, crap!" I moaned as I rolled out of bed. (I had somewhere I had to be by 8:30 that morning.) So I quickly got myself and the girls dressed and ready to go and had them in the car by 8:35.

I then returned to the house to find His Grace still abed. "It's eight-thirty!" I shrieked.

His Grace peels back a bleary eye and squints at his watch. "It's seven-thirty."

A minor argument discussion ensued. In the end, I checked all clocks not run by a Microsoft computer.

Sure enough, it was seven-thirty-ish, not eight thirty. I was an hour early to where I had to be.

Annoyance #2: Get in to work to discover all the clocks are wrong. I have to go patch some thirty-odd computers nao. At least it wasn't the worst of the problems of the day (which included server issues up at the Castle, and the A/C going kaput in our local server room). But it's annoying.

---

One of the things I hate about DST is that somewhere, some clock in your life will be wrong, and you will not know it, and that time-wrongness will screw up your day.

1. First, let us speak of the weather. Last week it was Winter. Cold, wet, rainy, miserable, temperature of 17C. Now, this is rather unusual, as October is supposed to be the loffly middle of Spring.

This week it was Summer. Hot, dry, east-windy, temperature of 37C. Again, unusual as October is supposed to be Spring.

We got cheated of our Spring!

2. House Kneale has expanded its landholdings. We are now the proud owners of some paperwork that says we are entitled to a block of dirt (and the mortgage that goes with it). We shall soon place a brand new Kneale Manor upon this block of dirt and call it home. (The picture makes it look small, but believe me, it's huge inside--nearly twice the size of our current home.)

It will have a private courtyard adjacent to the Duke and Duchess' suite, a huge ensuite bathroom, a loffly home theatre, a study conservatoire, a luxurious (compared to current) kitchen, and Their Ladyships will have their own rooms wherein they shall keep all their toys, games, computers and art table.

While there will not be room for a pony (see item 3), there will be enough of a back yard we can swing the cat.

3. Happy Birthday, Second Ladyship! To celebrate her birthday, we had a Pony Party, with a real live pony. For an hour, she and her guests enjoyed pony rides around our back yard. We played a few games such as Pass the Parcel, Pin the Tail on the Pony, a Horseshoe toss and Hungry, Hungry Horses (wherein my scheme to convince a whole lotta six-year-olds to eat vegetables in a game was extremely successful). I then proceeded to stuff the lot with party food, cake, ice cream and more candy than they knew what to do with.

We started with facepainting (a staple at one of my parties) and ended with them receiving a miniature pony figurine to take home.

Second Ladyship loved it. Mom nearly didn't survive after she burned the cake the night before, got ambushed by Redbacks (the Aussie cousin of the Black Widow) the morning after and had a wooden table collapse on her. Her feet hurt, her back hurts and she went to bed before 7pm.

But hey, it was a fun party.

4. Happy Birthday New Nephew! Y'all join me in a big welcome for Nelson Hayward Wessman, the brand new adopted baby of my brother and sister-in-law. Ne'er a more deserving couple needed children. I'm grateful to the birth Mother who chose to bless them with a child of their own through adoption. May she find peace and self-respect through her decision. I'm told by my brother Proud Papa that he's a very good baby.

He joins a growing group of grandchildren consisting of First and Second Ladyships, Lady Ella and King Benjamin. He preceeds Little Lord Sam, who's not due for another few months.

5. I'll be doing NaNoWriMo this year. Busy pre-writing my novel. Regency Romance with Magic Charms. Guess I should bother registering. This year's novel is titled "Merrybelle's Kiss".

Here's a fun little interview of The Actor. Really, what is there to NOT like about Richard Armitage?

My commments to him:

1. So sorry to hear about the GF. I'm available to comfort you as needed with hugs and Tim Tam Slams.

2. There's lots in my new house you could lay.

3. We all know it's the beauty within that counts the most.

4. We'll always love you. Please don't feel embarrassed. You make us so happy.

5. When you coming out to Australia?

I have a friend in the US who has two WFC mem'ships for sale. She's asking US$100 each. If you're interested, I'll pass on your details to her.

Can't guarantee how long they'll be available. WFC mem'ships tend to go fast, in my experience.

WFC is in San Jose at the end of this month, if you didn't already know.

Normally I love Georgette Heyer, especially her romance. Her voice does not overpower the story and on the whole her characters are appealing.

But lately I got my hands on her murder mystery, "Behold, Here's Poison".

It sucked. It royally sucked.

It was her characters. They're all unappealing idiots. All the women were stupid and shallow and all the men condescending and nasty. I would hate to know these people in real life.

The plotline didn't move as I expected it to and the ending was very unsatisfactory.

I recommend you give this book a miss. Don't even bother picking it up. Go read "Cotillion" or "Sylvester" or something else.

Anything but this.

Yes, I've been extremely busy in life. No, no Sekrit Projects or anything, just stuff that hasn't been set in stone yet. I could tell y'all outright, but then, due to its complex nature, I'd spend far too much time telling you all the cool details.

Metaphor will allow me to remain brief and practice the craft at the same time.

Really, I enjoy doing this sort of thing (aka "windowshopping for dresses"), and have been an armchair participant for the past ten years, but there is such a beast as too much of a good thing. That is this fortnight. Exciting, but taking a lot of time and energy. And a car.

So. I need a new dress because I have outgrown the last dress. It's getting a bit tight and I can't sit down properly.

So, I've set out to get a new dress.

I have two options. I can buy off-the-rack or I can go to a tailor.

If I buy off-the-rack, I could get a loffly new dress in my size for about $400-500. If I go to the tailor, I can get a loffy new dress in my size, tailored to fit my body type for around $450.

I would prefer a tailored dress because I have wide hips, large boobs and a teeny-tiny waist. Also, I can get the dress in the colour and fabric I want.

If I buy off the rack, I am limited to the patterns and fashion available at the time, and I always have a problem with either the hips being too tight or the waist being too large (which makes me look square, not hourglassy). Oh, and those clothes often have design features I don't really want, like ruffles in the wrong place or buttons that gape. Yes, I could do some minor alterations, but as every dressmaker knows, there's only certain kinds of alterations one can make to existing clothing. Completely remaking an off-the-rack dress is far too much effort for little return.

His Grace was the one who first suggested I see a tailor. I found a good tailor not too far from where we live and a dress pattern I like. His Grace agrees it's a dress pattern that suits my figure very well. Doesn't even need any but the most minor alterations, and those are easily done by the tailor without additional cost.

But now His Grace is suggesting I also browse the off-the-rack stuff. After having met with the tailor, I find myself reluctant to seriously consider off-the-rack.

I've looked and looked and looked. Those of you who know me personally know how much I hate clothes shopping. I've browsed through so many dresses. While many of them are my size, the cut is more for an apple, not a pear. And I haven't been able to find one that suits me in my price range.

I've found a couple that look great, but they're $600 or more. I want to spend $500 max, and would be more comfortable with $450, the same price as the tailor.

Alas, due to the dimensions of the pattern and the amount of fabric required, there are no dresses under $400 that suit my size and figure.

I refuse to compromise. I'm already wearing a $350 dress and I can tell you now it's way too small. The buttons pop and the seams strain around my hips. (Fits me around the waist, though.)

I think tailoring will be the way to go.

A few problems with tailoring: it takes time to make a dress and sometimes the tailor doesn't do things juuust right. Also, the fabric pattern's slightly louder than I initially wanted, but as it reminds me of ocean waves, and the colour suits me well, I can live with that.

I just need to convince His Grace that a tailor-made dress is the best way to go. I seriously doubt I'll find an off-the-rack of equivalent quality for the same price.

1. Our house is small--very small. We're considering moving. However, I don't know if we'll find an established house that would suit our needs (offices for me and His Grace, and room for two growing Ladyships), so perhaps we'll build.

Alas, all the vacant land that would suit our desired house plans are located out woop-woop, by the new freeway, and a good ten minutes from where we live now. So, should we go for the loffly big 600m² blocks at great prices in Outer Woop-Woop where no infrastructure exists, or go for the slightly more expensive, definitely smaller blocks with existing infrastructure? Please keep in mind that about ten years into the future, the larger blocks of Outer Woop-woop will possess infrastructure and suburbia will come asprawling.

I love suburbia. Actually, I uber-love urbia. If I could live in the center of Urbia, I'd be sooo happy. It's a shame I can't afford it. The blocks that suit our purposes are at least twice the price we're able to pay for a block.

2. Since the American Mozzarella, I have made a hard Cheddar (that will need to age) and a rather nice Feta--easy peasy. I have a gallon of inoculated milk left. Am wondering what I should try next. Perhaps the Italian Mozzarella? The recipe is more fiddly.

3. School holidays. Second Ladyship has already expressed boredom. Am planning on going to the Zoo sometime this week.

4. I would so love to go on a writing workshop for SFF. Alas, the Clarions are far too much time away from my family, and the shorter one-week workshops are on the other side of the planet.

5. The following is a metaphor. It is a metaphor because I have a list of people who want "money" from me, and I don't want to give it. I've got better things to spend my "money" on.

So: I have a certain amount of money. There are things I need to spend my money on--investments, bills, leisure. For the past year I've had quite a few bills to pay. While the utilities I receive in return are nice, I'm thinking my life would be much happier if I turned off a few more lights so my utility bills aren't so high. So, over the past few months, I've had a few lights burn out and I haven't been replacing the bulbs. Result: I've had a bit more money. I'm a bit happy about it, because it means I can spend that extra money on things I really want, like a few favourite investments.

6. I am not afraid of change. I do confess some apprehension for the growing pains that accompany the change, but with proper pain management, I can deal. Sometimes I actually enjoy it, if it is clear that change is for the better.

Indeed I did!

Several weeks ago my daughters got their hands on string cheese at school. Naturally, they loved it. So, cue the begging and whining for me to buy string cheese.

Imagine my shock and horror when I learned just how expensive string cheese is! (We're talking $30/kg! Regular mozzarella is half that price.)

A few months earlier I came across Fankhauser's Cheese Page and loved all their recipies.
( Wherein I make mozzarella for $6/kg )

Next, I'm going to try a bog-standard cheddar. That's supposed to be easier. Fankhauser doesn't have a soft cheese recipe, but I wonder how hard a nice camembert or brie would be to do?

From pjthompson via mnfaure.

Give me the title of a story I’ve never written, and feedback telling me what you liked best about it, and I will tell you any of: the first sentence, the last sentence, the thing that made me want to write it, the biggest problem I had while writing it, why it almost never got submitted to magazines, the scene that hit the cutting room floor but that I wish I’d been able to salvage, or something else that I want readers to know.

Regency Romance with Magic (functional love charms, etc).

So...

a. Ooh yes!
b. Frell no!
c. Depends on how well you execute it, Your Grace.

Aussie Loos are a different beast from the toilets I grew up with in the US.

Swirlability

Okay, y'all have probably heard the yarn about how in the Northern Hemisphere the water in the toilet swirls one way while in the Southern Hemisphere it swirls the other way?

So, does it really?

Well, yes and no:

Yes the Coriolis Effect could affect a toilet, if said toilet was big enough and there wasn't anything to interfere with the flow of the water. But plenty interferes with the swirlability of water in a toilet, and the jet force of flushing water overcomes the Coriolis effect any day.

And no, because...

This is what an Aussie loo flushes like:


As you can see, Aussie Loos don't "swirl" at all. They flush straight down.

Water Efficiency

Aussie Loos are dual flush and have been for the past thirty years. I've only seen a single-flush toilet once in Australia, and that was in a very old house. (Or rather, should I say behind the house. Because until the second half of the 20th Century, australian water closets were located outside. More on this later.)

This means that Aussie Loos have two buttons on the top, one for half-flush (the recommended flush) and one for full-flush (for extra-heavy "loads").

Aussie Loos are extremely water-efficient, and getting more and more efficient all the time. These things are very necessary in a land of deserts and droughts.

The US toilets I grew up with flushed with a good thirteen litres of water per flush. The Aussie Loo on half-flush uses three litres. (Now, modern US legislation says that newer model toilets need to drop from thirteen to about six or seven litres. Newer model Aussie Loos on full-flush are still only pushing 5L.)

Location

Americans say, "I've got to go to the bathroom" when what they mean is they need to take a dump. That's because in their bathrooms they have a bathtub and/or shower, a sink and a toilet.

But an Aussie bathroom has a bathtub and/or shower and a sink. The toilet is kept elsewhere.

In a post 1960's house the loo is located in a closet not much bigger than a meter square. There's just enough room for a loo and to be able to close the door. If you're heavily pregnant, don't bother even trying to close the door. You can't.

This "water closet" is generally located near the laundry room. In a pre-1960's house, the loo is generally in the very back of the house added on to the patio or literally an outhouse, several meters from the main building. Gives a whole new meaning to the phrase, "skip to my loo."

So yeah. If you "Gotta go to th' loo, mate", you need to cross the yard or the house to get to the sink to wash your hands.

Toilet paper

Just like in the States. Are you an "over" or "under" loader?

Clogging

Aussie toilets rarely, if ever, clog up. It just doesn't happen. In the past fifteen years I've only seen an Aussie Loo clog up once, and that's when a child attempted to flush a t-shirt.

As American toilets always have a plunger stored behind them, Aussies have a toilet brush for neatening up the bowl. The downside to the water-efficiency is that sometimes streaks from solids don't get completely washed away.

Additional Reading

(Go on. Follow the links. You know you want to.)

Here's some interesting reading concerning the Aussie Loo or Dunny, as it's also called.

The toilet is so important to Australians, the Aussie government has even set up a national toilet map. Dinkum.

Oh, be warned: the shower available at this public toilet is an outside shower with no curtain. It's the white-tiled bit on the side of the loo. I once hosed a kid off here after she spilled red soft drink all over herself.

Like lots and lots of things (such as installing rainwater tanks, converting to dual-fuel vehicles, and having children and... um, breathing) toilet upgrades are eligible for a rebate in some states. Now go be water-wise.